The first bounce. A fight for the ball. Hawks score the first goal from Benny “Deathball” Carter. Blues answer in kind with their own goal but then Broadview knocks another one between the center uprights. At the end of the quarter, it was Broadview up by one goal. Grippingly mad good footy to watch.

The second quarter had echoes of the game against the Swans. Intensity was let up and the Blues took advantage of it, with them wanting the ball more and getting the ball more. From this reporter’s vantage, it seemed that the Blues have a signature technique that proves to work for them time and time again: whenever a Canadian makes a mark, another Blue (preferably an Aussie) is nearby for the quick handpass and clear kick. They take advantage of those scant seconds when the whistle is blown for the mark and people let up on their coverage for a moment.

One of the OAFL bloggers mentioned the Blues’ dependence on their non-Canadians. There is definitely some merit to that assertion as two little Aussies, one brunette and one blonde, seemed to have a heavy hand in scoring or assisting many of their goals. Those two must be hard to cover but if the Hawks had the ability to clone Pablo “Taz” Willis, I think they would. The Australian Blues player that he was covering was left impotent for most of the game. In frustration at one point, that Blues player threatened, “If you don’t leave me alone, I’m gonna $@>%# ^%&@&!!!” to a nonchalant Pablo. It’s rare to hear such sweet music on the field.

Fourth quarter. It looked like the Broadview Hawks were on a power play. Veteran full-back Kevin “Monster Puncher” Bridgman had little to do at the Hawks’ goal square as the ball was constantly in the Blues end. One Hawker interviewed afterwards said that he realized that he wasn’t doing anything so he went to do something. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t the only Hawk who stopped waiting for something to happen and switched on overdrive. The Blues may have won this game but the silver lining was in the clouds. I await the day the sleeping giant that is the Broadview Hawks is awoken from his slumber and filled with terrible resolve. There will be some badass sweet music on that field that day because when the Hawks are hot, they’re scorching.

The first quarter saw the Hawks dominate the ball with 5 goals to Ottawa’s one. The Brad Brothers were wreaking havoc in the centre, owning the ball while Tom “Collo” Cruise made a surprise cameo appearance as Full Forward and also fought for the ball well. It echoed previous matchups with Ottawa with goals being made with more precision less mess.

The second quarter was another story. All of a sudden Ottawa was scoring goals, leaving Broadview in its dust. Fears started to surface that the Phantom and Jean Grey’s predictions would come true. It also showed this reporter how easy it is to forget how dangerous these short fields are: if you let up even for a moment, the other team will come and bowl you over… no matter who you are and who they are.

Hanging on to a slim lead into the half, the third quarter saw a more muzzled Swan side but yet still a mostly impotent Hawk side. Was the first quarter a fluke? Can the cast of the Broadview Hawks not carry the play onwards without some of their stars? The fourth quarter answered that question with Hawk goal after Hawk goal. Even playing with a man down, after Ian “Metro” Graham (who showed up with force this game) had back problems and came off through the interchange, the Hawks still came out with a resounding win. Pictures of Ian’s physio treatment are bound to show up time and time again. I’d criticize a certain player’s overzealous goal celebration of air guitar on his flute followed by a sexy-time-explosion-knockout as a little much but that would prove mild when compared to the night to come.

It could be argued that the night on the town is just as challenging as the game, full of pitfalls and unexpected situations. This year, there was a mandate that every Hawker had to adorn himself with an atrociously bad shirt for the night on the town. After an exhausting photoshoot, the Hawks were almost mauled by mountain lions right outside the hotel upon exiting.

Things did not improve at the bar when, right away, one Anthony “Slept on any Bathroom Floors Lately?” Simpson (who had a great game btw) shattered the shot glass that teammate Kevin “Bridgy” Bridgman bought for him and the team in absentia. Cheers! Bets were starting on who would be kicked out first with the aforementioned Jersey Boi, Pablo “Right Out Of Time” Willis, and Chris “Slept Standing up in any Bars Lately?” Phyland being the frontrunners. Bets were also lost as Jamie “Not a Footloose Kevin Bacon but a Tremors Kevin Bacon” Mahy failed to win an arm wrestle with one of the several messy brides-to-be that evening. Those Hawkers unfortunate not to be kicked out early enough were victim to having images of Henry “Dancing Queen” Chen forever etched into their collective nightmares for all eternity. Good times, good times.

Maybe it was that freak power outage that disrupted people’s chi. Maybe it was that pigeon that crashed into my window today while I was writing last week’s report on our tremendous win over Hamilton that made me accidentally close program without saving. (Not kidding: the little dude left his faceprint on my window and it looks like he shat and pissed on collision too. That would explain the liquid and turded streak beside the faceplant.)

I don’t really know what to write here because I’m at a loss for words as virtually all the Hawks were after this devastating defeat. What’s gonna hurt more? Losing in a premiership game or losing to a team that most people have counted out? Like Phil Collins once said, there is a hole in my heart.

Credit is due to the Demons: they played very well and SuperCoach has not lost his talent for recruitment. Strange how fortunes can shift so easily. It should be noted that after losing two great players to yellow/red cards, the Hawks were able to minimize what should have been an all-you-can-kick goal buffet in the 4th quarter. Instead of giving you a play by play of how we were not winning the game, I’m just going to give you a variation of the poem that was stuck in my head the whole way on the long ride home.

Remember, remember the fifth of that July,
The Monday so Humid so Hot,
I see no reason
Why this Game this Season
Should ever be forgot.
Go Hawks! Go Hawks! Twas the intent
To blow up Demons and complement
Three goals at 1st quarter below,
Hawks under old Coach's toe;
By God's providence we were catch'd
With our pants down for the whole match.
Oi Oi, boys! Oi Oi, boys! Let the sirens sing.
This game for some reason was not ours to win.
Oi Oi, boys! Oi Oi, boys! Take this one on the chin.
And what should we do? D e s t r o y O t t a w a.
And every other Mah Thir Pha King team here on end.

The tides turned early. All of a sudden it was as if all the players on the field switched jumpers. It was the Eagles winning the ball more than the Hawks. Just because the Toronto Eagles had the ball doesn’t mean that it was an all-you-can-kick goal buffet at the Hawks’ end. Again, Broadview’s stellar backline stepped up to the plate and foiled many an attempt. However, like the walls of Troy, they couldn’t stop everything.

The more field time this reporter sees played on this ground, the more he sees how dangerous this field is. Here an umpy’s calls can easily translate into a goal. Let’s face it, in the heat of the moment with no instant replay to go by, one cannot always be perfect in how you tackle or play nor can the umpy’s calls be similarly perfect. One thing is for sure though, an umpy never changes his call. Unless, of course, his arm accidentally pointed in the opposite direction than intended. Broadview had several fiftys called on them throughout the game that turned into Eagle goals. One fifty was done right after an Eagle goal so that the ball didn’t even go to the centre bounce. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to jail. I applaud the fierce intense passion of our Hawkers, but back chatter to the umpire never results in the Hawks’ favour, quite the opposite.

Against the wind, the Hawks were able to close the gap between the point spread in the third. This was completely unexpected. The Hawks have a history of quite the opposite: releasing the gas in the last half or quarter, especially when they’re not winning. And this is against the big, bad invincible Eagles. Alas, the Eagles pushed back hard afterwards, scoring more goals to push the point spread farther apart.

In the first five minutes of the 4th quarter, the Hawks scored 2 quick goals. Somehow, Henry “Fresh Off the Bus” Chen had made 2 good plays that had translated into goals. Unfortunately, the Hawks’ push for goals was short-lived with the Eagles playing mostly in the Hawks’ end for the rest of the quarter. Yes, the Eagles won again. It goes without saying that Broadview’s Aussie contingent played spectacularly. But a team who relies solely on its Aussies is like a chess player who relies solely on his queen: the queen is both the most dangerous tool and one’s greatest weakness . The Canadian Hawks need to practice more and shed that winter fat… and then the Hawks will be devastating. I kid you not. This game revealed a lovely secret truth: the Eagles are beatable. Don’t psyche yourself out. Train hard my Hawkers. Strive for being better always. Thirst for the ball and victory shall come.

At approximately the 10 minute mark, there was what looked like a normal crash of bodies trying to get a mark in the Roos’s end. Two players went down and stayed down for awhile, one did not get up. In a bad collision and subsequent landing, Richie “Cyborg” Mintz received a compound fracture to his right leg. Yes, the good leg; he’ll be composed mostly of a hyper-alloy combat chassis underneath living human tissue if he keeps adding more metal to his body. As usual, the firefighters were on the scene first in case Mintzy needed to hydrate. After what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance arrived and whisked him away. By the images that were disseminated through the Hawks’ ever-flowing digital grapevine, just imagine a toy Gumby with the metal wire taken out of one of its legs. The latest report has him already recovering from the required operation and doing well. Not perhaps the best way to celebrate his 10 years with the Hawks, but I bet he’s got some great meds to go with his tinnies.

There was of course great plays throughout the game. Cody “Dryhump” Royle had some good marks and plays in the forward line as well as both the Brads and Anthony “Daisy Duck” Simpson. Kevin “Bridgy” Bridgman had a great hit in the backline, proving yet again that architects aren’t necessarily just good at drawing pretty pictures. Pablo “Taz” Willis and Afjal “Quicksilver” Mohammad played well with their regular high intensity. Those two are always players who are fun to watch on the field.

Blame it on winter hibernation weight that has yet to be put off or perhaps the distracting Zack Morris hairdo of the Roos’ full forward Emile Studham. Seriously, it’s very distracting. The Hawks unfortunately could not keep up their 1 point lead and were defeated by the Roos by several goals. The real litmus test for the Hawkers’ hopes to a premiership will be seen next week against last year’s premiership champions, the Eagles. Off the field, this reporter awaits the results of some off-track betting and to see whether muscle needs to be hired in order to collect.

The first quarter saw a Hawks' domination of the field: the ball seemed mostly trapped in the Gargoyle's end. And with a classic shotgun approach to kicking goals, eventually a few actually went in between the goal posts. The second quarter saw Guelph take up their game up a notch as they took advantage of the side kicking into the wind. However, the Hawks kept their lead and showed the Gargoyles that one cannot depend on the wind alone as our boys in yellow and brown did not stop their goal-kicking trend of the first quarter. The second half perhaps saw a Hawks' side letting up a bit in concert with a Guelph side bent on repeating their success against the Roos. At one point, I believe there was only a goal difference but I could be wrong, this reporter's people aren't known for their abilities with numbers.

This reporter had a few images blazen into his head that game for all time. Ben "Bosozoku" Carter had a huge hit against a Gargoyle backman and set the tone for the game. Rhys "the Enforcer" Harris went up for a punch ball, crashed into his opponent hard only to land badly, rolling the ankle that wasn't already rolled on. Eventually, Rhys will look like one of my broken, contorted G.I. Joe's at this rate. And how could I forget hearing the twang of the ball hitting the goal post followed shortly by a Gargoyle's smother of another mark kick 10m out? Anthony "Simo" Simpson is always entertaining to watch one way or the other.

In the end, the Hawks came out victorious with a 3-goal lead against a team of determined Gargoyles, even playing short-handed with a red card for the last minutes of the match. With as much new blood that the Hawks received this season as well as lost, it is apparent that they are still evolving as a unit. Let's hope that this year the Hawks will be less a cast like House MD with 6 main actors and a bunch of extras. The extras need pull themselves into the spotlight more so the Hawks can become a cast like Lost: multiple characters with depth sowing multiple stories spiraling to a climax for the Grand Final. Stay hungry, boys!

Maybe it was the fact that it wasn't an 8 am game at the far away field of Humber North so that Aaron "Dude, you need to sleep more" Gaulke could have more beauty sleep before the game. Maybe it was the fact it wasn't a torrential downpour of freezing rain, although that should have allowed Brad "Tassles" Hindle to play better in the last game against the Blues with harder nipples. Or maybe it was simply the fact that the Hawks are a decidedly strong team up against a team that's rebuilding.

The talent scouts were right on the money on rookies such as Afjal "Energizer Bunny on Amphetamine" Mohammad and Morgan "Mmorgs" Turner. The former was all over the field like a darting Marsupial, while the latter was diving headfirst to get the ball. That's the kind of play we like to see at Hawks Fan Club Central: dedication and determination with no surrender. There were some stellar performances across the board. Jamie "Pillow-biter" Mahy was all over the ball, smothering it here, taking marks there and even scoring a goal. It was a sheer delight to watch Pablo "Tasmanian Devil" Willis repeatedly rush into the fray with or without the ball and yet somehow always come out with it. Whoever leather-pant wearing, elf-shoe sporting, leather girly-bag matching, Tom Cruise look-a-like from Risky Business dudemanguy who suggested putting Pablo nearer to the centre was indeed right.

Our new imports from down under were similarly shining bright. Cody "Gotta Colour-coordinate with Shutts" Royle reminded this reporter of Patrick Roy, but without the goalie equipment and stick and without the skates or ice but with cleats instead. Yeah, I guess that was a bad analogy. Basically, crap didn't seem to get past him. Both the Brads ("Spida" Farley and "Handles" Hindle) and Anthony "Can your girlfriend please come to every game if she's gonna bring sandwiches and candy?" Simpson definitely showed some great prowess on the field. All in all, there seemed a great foreshadowing that the Hawks are probably going to have a good season ahead of them.

The Rebels were able to score two goals in the second quarter. It was scary for a bit... had the Hawks underestimated yet another team? No, the Hawks walked away easy victors on this day.

Bridgy did a great job on this again. Huge thanks go to him for putting it together.

From the opening horn, the ball was quickly won out of the centre and fed downfield towards the Hawks' forward line. It was a promising and exciting start to see the possibility of our boys finally beating the Eagles after years of defeats. The records show that the Toronto Eagles have faced and beaten the Hawks in the OAFL Grand Final 3 times since both the respective clubs' inception into the league in 1989. Alas, the ball was turned over and effectively passed down the field into the Eagles' forwards. There was a precision to their keeping possession of the ball that made the impression that this would not be an easy game at all for the Hawks. Every time the Eagles scored a goal it was like watching Bill Murray bowl in the movie, Kingpin: you just didn't want him ever to get a strike and, at the same time, you couldn't reduce his exploits down to blind luck. The end of the quarter saw the Eagles with an oppressive lead with 3 goals and 7 behinds to the Hawks' solitary point.

The next quarter, the Hawks' defence was fired up more and did a better job of quelling the Eagles' attempts at goal. Mario "Death-metal and Little Rat-Dogs Together at Last" Pareja, Stefan "Insert Gajillionth Pale Joke Here" Leyhane, Rhys "New Hobbit Civic" Harris were all notable in their effectiveness of regaining possession for Broadview. However, on the other side, the Eagles were able to completely shut the Hawks out of scoring even a behind this quarter.

Without everybody's favourite back-line ghost, the Eagles were able to capitalize in the remaining quarter, making the gap in score impossible for the Hawks to overcome. And yet, with their final breaths, the boys in yellow and brown were able to post 3 more goals and 2 behinds to make the final score: Eagles 85, Hawks 34. The Eagles will be fighting for their 12th time at being OAFL champions this Saturday at Humber North against last year's champs and undefeated this year, the Etobicoke Kangaroos.

Previous to the main game, the Hawks reserves were able to achieve victory over the 2nds of the Kangaroos by a solitary goal, scored by Martin "Right, okay?" Walter. The 2nds will also be advancing to the Reserves grand final against the Quebec Saints to fight for the inaugural Mike Pyke Cup this Saturday before the main game between the Roos and Eagles.

Following the end of the main game of Hawks vs. Eagles, Martin "What the F is this? Water, Marty." Walter announced that he was retiring as head coach. The sheer volume of dedication and support that was heaped on the Broadview Hawks by Marty in his time as head coach cannot be thanked or honoured near enough as deserved. He leaves in his final season as head coach with the first Australia.com Canadian National Championship win under his belt, a free trip to Australia, a Sirius Satellite Radio package, and a guaranteed role in Peter Jackson's upcoming prequel movie, "The Hobbit". This reporter would like to thank him for his extremely generous efforts over the years and wish him well in all his future endeavours.

After driving past many of the 300 waterfalls that Hamilton boasts, the Broadview Hawks were in a state of perfect chi, balanced with nature and the world (there really should be a sarcasm font). In truth, the Hawks were ready to dole out some wrath that you only see in agitated pitbulls poked one too many times by a toddler wielding a stick. Stupid waterfalls.

From the sound of the horn that signaled the beginning of the match, the Hawks and Wildcats went at the ball with a fighting fury; each anxious to drive hope away from the other team's playoff ambitions. The end result of the quarter would see the Wildcats having scored 3 goals and 1 behind to the Hawks' 4 goals and 2 behinds. Seven points isn't a big lead but being ahead is still being ahead.

The second quarter saw the Wildcats come back with a vengeance, scoring 22 points to the Hawks' four. It almost seemed like, indeed, that it was the wind that won games as both times the wind was with their kicks, each team was able to capitalize on that advantage. At the half, one would think the tires of the Hawks would have been slashed; they had begun with a lead of 7 and were now down by 11. That's a loss from top of 18 points in day-trading terms.

The fourth quarter is a blurred memory. I think there was a blue sky and green grass. All anyone can remember are the two quick goals early in the quarter by Nick "Somebody save my GF from Marty" Shuttleworth to put Broadview in the lead, the heroic efforts of Danny "One-legged and still a menacing footy-playing Viking" Walker, and in the final scant minutes of the game the amazing tackle by Kevin "U2 is the Wind Beneath my Wings" Bridgman, that shut down the Hamilton offense just when a single Wildcat goal could kill the Hawks' playoffs for 2009.

Hawks 58 to Wildcats 54. Hawks advance.

Due to failed attempts at entering the Beer Store before 10 am, the boys were slated to have an empty cooler as their day's reward. Thanks to the emergency little ninja whom they kept in their bus's glove compartment, cold ones were available on the full. After the game, several Hawks travelled to Humber North to watch the Blues vs Dingos game. Upon arriving, the underdog Blues were ahead by a good 20 points. And upon completion of the game, the Blues had kept ahead and won. Their win determined that they would face the Roos next week while the Hawks were to face the Eagles. There were two things never witnessed before by this reporter: an award of a "100" free kick and an attempted fistful swing at the umpy, after the game had long ended. Related or unrelated events? That is for history to decide.

The Hawks will play the Eagles in the semi-finals this Sunday at Humber North at 2 pm. The Sunday date is to ensure a good night's sleep following the AFL Grand Final on the Friday night.

One down, two to go.

The first quarter saw a certain kind of magic occur on the field again. Like the week before against the Dingos, the ball was constantly being both won and kept in possession by the Hawks. Not only was Broadview hungry for the ball but also being smart in keeping the ball with only yellow and brown jumpers. The end of the first quarter saw the Hawks having scored 4 goals and 2 behinds to the Blues' solitary goal.

The second quarter was the beginning of the oddball events that would continue into the night. There was the emergency player switch off, as Stefan "forces recovering alcoholics to go to open bar functions" Leyhane had lost a contact and luckily had an emergency pair ready to go. There was the crushing collision between Danny "Flip-flops are Business Casual" Walker, some poor Blues player in the middle, and Sven "Random is an Understatement" Henrycoff of which to the Blues player's credit was able to walk away from said Terminator muscle manwich. And, of course, how could we forget the possibility of the game being halted until another umpire could arrive as the umpy had to call time for his own possible sprained ankle. One Hawk fan said she had never seen such a thing in 12 years of watching footy. This quarter the Blues floored the gas and activated their nitrous oxide only to be returned in kind by the Hawks; this quarter was more of a see-saw duel rather than the domination experienced in the first quarter.

After another see-saw evenly matched quarter in the fourth, the Hawks achieved a resounding victory with a 40 point surplus over the Blues. What makes the win even more exciting is that the Hawks have the capability to play better; the things that were really making the magic happen wasn't happening all the time. If the Hawks can have all their engines firing in unison (keeping the talk up and being there for every play) come the playoffs, they will definitely be a contender.

After the last three games, one almost wonders if this had been the plan all along. Much like a pool shark in a bar, it almost seems possible that the Hawks executive's strategy was to feign a weak side to the entire OAFL in order to capitalize on underestimating opponents when it really mattered.

Later that night, 14 Hawks and Hawkettes attended the OAFL Awards ceremony in style arriving in a luxurious stretch limo. Apologies had to be constantly made to the driver for a coach who had no idea where the Cool Brewery was and yet was still giving directions. Nick "I sometimes get mistaken for a Giraffe" Shuttleworth claimed the Leading Goalkicker Award while he and Stefan "the darkest I can go is Mayonnaise white" Leyhane placed in the OAFL All-star team. In other achievements, it looked like Danny "I eat more than Oprah" Walker was able to eat his fill for a growing boy his age. And definite props need to be shouted out to OAFL President, Scotty "You don't need to know the rules of footy to be president" Jobin-Bevans for actually managing to silence a room full of football players well into their drink at an open bar party. Many firsts, many feats... a good day, all in all.

The Hawks, on the other hand, were the clear underdog with 2 wins in their last 6 games... one win against the Swans and a forfeit win over the Demons. However, anyone who was there at the game the week before against the second-seeded team in the league, the Eagles, would know that this was not a game "in the bag for the Dingos." With more and more people off the Hawks' injured list, the Broadview team has become a creeping threat late in the season, like one of those well known gaseous anomalies that Forbes "New Guy" Gemmell was praised for last year: Silent but Deadly (SBD).

From the opening horn, it didn't take a footy expert to tell which team was dominating the ball. What this reporter was seeing was that the Broadview Hawks were not what popular opinion had so easily concluded: just because a serial monogamist succumbs to a couple of one-night stands, it doesn't mean he/she's gonna be given up that easily all the time. The first quarter showed such a Hawks' supremacy over the ball that it almost looked like a half-court basketball game. The ball seemed eternally in the Dingos' end of the field; occasionally it would sail past the half-line only to be re-fed back to the Hawks' forward line. Half of the points scored by the Dingos this quarter was from a "50" penalty against Broadview: Hawks 22 to Dingos 12.

This was a game where the statistics did not match the reality. On paper, if you saw a team with a record of 9 wins and 3 losses go up against a team with 6 wins and 6 losses, one would expect the team with 150% better win record to be victorious. The Hawks not only wanted the ball more, the ball was bouncing like it wanted to be the sweet, caressing hands of the Hawks. It was almost begging to be manhandled by the boys in yellow and brown, much like the shredded remnants of two $100 Diesel T-shirts found after the game. If the Hawks' intensity keeps up for the Finals, there may be a sweet underdog team to root for that isn't Coke or Pepsi.

The Hawks won the toss and took to the field, uncertain what this day would bring at their U of T Scarborough field. The horn sounded and the ball was live. And wouldn't you know it ... the Eagles were not the first players on the ball, the Eagles were not the team dominating the play. The Hawks were hungry for the ball and they got it. Some spectators recounting the game said it looked like a Chihuahua stealing a juicy bone right out of a pitbull's mouth by pure brute force, something you'd never thought possible. This was how much popular opinion had it that the Hawks were not up to the task to provide any resistance to the vaunted Eagles. The boys were winning it out of the centre and pushing it forward. The Eagles of course were not about to take it lying down and fought back. Broadview was still able win back possession and push forward. It was a tug of war of what made for a mesmerizing game to watch. Rhys "Hobbits Can't Chug" Harris's return to the field was also a fine bolster to the team play, shutting down the Eagle's attempts to funnel the ball towards their forward line. At the end of the first quarter, the impossible happened: the Hawks were up 14 points to 9.

The second quarter saw a fired up Eagles team bent on proving the last quarter to be only a Grand Final team caught off guard, underestimating an outfit that still had some life left in them that most people had assumed already dead. Again, the tug of war pushed back and forth with neither team backing down. No prisoners, no mercy, and no surrender. Kevin "I fix bicycles in bars" McLean, participated in one of the hardest fought goals this reporter has ever seen as the ball was passed 5 or 6 times back and forth in the "golden zone" of the field until his final kick. What was oddly gratifying to witness was the growing frustration of the Eagles players as their assured victory wasn't so guaranteed as they yelled at fellow teammates to do better. Hey, if strife makes for good reality TV, it also makes for a good game to watch. This game also made this reporter recall a Hawk remark on Stefan "Captain Canada" Leyhane that it must be so depressing to watch all your hard work to get the ball to the forward line only to be gobbled up by Stef and given right back to the Hawks. Add a strong performance by Kevin "I support Apple and all its products" Bridgman, and you get a much more tamed Eagles' offence. The Eagles' renewed efforts found them ahead at the half, 29 to 20.

The last quarter had the Eagles score two quick goals that had the effect of slashing the Hawks' tires and hopes. The possible sweet underdog victory was being pulled tantalizing out of reach. The Eagles' momentum allowed them to win their predicted victory over the Hawks. One great achievement was Nick "Yellow & Brown Flamingo" Shuttleworth's 50th goal this season, not only did he play his usual menacing presence on the field but also celebrated his 50th destructive thunderkick between the uprights.

This reporter has this much to say: Don't count the Hawks out just yet. If the Eagles are supposed to be a shoe-in for the Grand Final, this game looked very much like a game of evenly matched teams. But I must say, it was very nice to see Rhys "I'm pretty sure three 12 packs of Maclays are enough beers... oh crap" Harris off the injured list.

The first quarter saw a lot of action in the Swans' end as the Hawks offense kept winning the ball out of the centre and feeding the forward line with many opportunities. In a strange and creepy turn of events at the start of the game, Marty "Super Coach" Walter forcefully mandated to forward pocket Henry "Chenry" Chen that he wanted the wee Asian to score the first goal of the game and wouldn't you know it, he almost did. Alas, being cursed with genetically shorter legs and being ridiculously good-looking, he was just a few inches short of being able to get the foot on the ball and only managed to get the first point of the game. Still, it foreshadowed the possibility that all of Super Coach's directives would be fulfilled this game: the primary order being to break the Hawks' current losing streak.

Vice-Captain Nick " The Ripper" Shuttleworth was deadly in this quarter marking and kicking goals to a point where the hopes of a Swans' victory was as attainable as this reporter's attempts at sobriety: possible but unlikely at the moment. Danny "I assure you Sven is ghey" Walker also had a very menacing presence throughout the game. In fact, one Ottawa Swan mentioned the extreme difficulty in stopping that man. Of course, one Hawker replied that it was okay if he simply ceased to try to stop Danny and get out of his way. For the rare ball that sailed passed into the Hawks' half of the field was promptly stopped and fed back upfield by Captain Stefan "Dainty Tea-drinker" Leyhane. By the end of the first quarter, Broadview was up 35 to 0.

After the half and an inspirational pep talk from the coach, the Hawks ravaged the third quarter much like the previous two with them winning the majority of the contests and quickly turning over any contest lost. Veteran Richard "Richie" Mintz also posted well on the scoreboard this game like a bat out of hell, taking great marks and following through with the goals. Adam "my hair is just terrible" Verdurmen had a good shot at upping his goal count against nemesis Danny "Neon Afterglow" Walker but unfortunately missed from 15 metres out. Mark "Two Shirts Down" Leyhane was looking much more comfortable in the ruck ... an increasing dangerous menace to for every OAFL ruck rover. This game also saw some true Broadview Hawk dedication by several members who commuted from Toronto to Ottawa and then back to Toronto: equating to probably 9 hours travel time for a single game.

The last 20 minutes saw more questionable play than this reporter is used to. Ian "these aren't Daisy Dukes booty shorts bcos they're made from my own pants" Graham was the recipient of a cheap shot to the chin after a play was done and the ump was not looking. The aftermath of the incident was luckily controlled in time before an all out pub brawl ensued. You could tell that emotions were running high from that point on. But really, the end result was two of the best quotes on the field that day. My personal favourite quote of the day was "21 not 1!!!" The second best quote goes to Ian "Metro" Graham for saying "I'm starting to see yellow." after refusing to go off-field for most of the last quarter while being surrounded by our boys in yellow and brown.

In the end, it was victory: sweet and smelling like napalm.

As per usual of a Hawks roadtrip, there were some inevitable high jinks. There was the "almost" Wrestlemania Throwdown match between SuperCoach and Rideau Carleton Raceway's executive French chef. The ticket sales failed to break even. There were many assorted and varied rumours floating about that night including some obviously fabricated National Enquirer-type stories. Any rational human being with common sense knows that water-sliding in a hotel hallway is completely impossible and thus that story is obviously fan fiction. There was the one about the cameo appearance of the girlfriend of Grimace, famous mascot of MacDonald's fast food restaurants who was completely obsessed with herself, constantly remarking on how good she smelled and touching herself inappropriately. However, the only two corroborated stories were that, yes, the Hawks walked away from Ottawa with a win and that the majority of the team was attacked by a shirt-shredding assailant that was reported to be a pale, lanky alien with beady eyes.

The Hawks came out of the gates with a not uncommon, slow start. The 1st quarter was not pretty with both sides having difficulty finding a handle on the ball. The Hawks knew it was going to be a tough evening when they lost two key backmen early. Danny "my knees just can't handle what I squat" Walker was lost to leg injury just a few minutes in and Kevin "bones get brittle with age" Bridgman followed soon after with a busted beak. The Blues were able to capitalize on a couple of opportunities and led at the end of the 1st, 20-8.

The quarter time huddle was calm but the Hawks were aware they needed to pick up their game or they could find themselves in deeper by half. Unfortunately, the second quarter went very much like the first. Despite the best effort to date from Fraser "can't close" Nicholson-Bliesner and Aaron "can't chug beer" Gaulke, as a team, the Hawks were not on. The point differential at the end of the half was widened in favour of the Blues and they would not relinquish the lead for the remainder of the game.

I caught up with a Hawk player following the match and was able to get some very candid statements. The player wished to remain anonymous, but his message was clear. "We need to get around each other as a club now more than ever. I sense division within our players and our coaches and it is ultimately going to tear us apart if we don't fix it now. We don't lack talent or desire to win. We lack confidence in ourselves, and confidence in our teammates. There are 18 players a side in football and 18 players need to make a contribution. There is no need to panic, but guys need to look at what they did today and decide whether it was good enough for them, and good enough for the team. Too many of us are trying not to f*%& up instead of getting excited about an opportunity to get a run and make a difference. I mean, that's why we play, isn't it? We don't get paid to do this, it's supposed to be fun."

As somebody who has watched this team over a number of years now, I couldn't agree more.

A number of Hawks gathered at a local establishment later that night to drink away the sorrows of the loss earlier in the evening. One odd occurrence was the attempt by one Hawk who showed up to duplicate the hairstyle of a plastic Lego character crossed with an unshaven homeless person all wrapped up in a tight yellow shirt that screamed "I am straight". The ridicule he received will certainly ensure that he will revert back to his old doo for future outings.

Broadview makes the much anticipated overnight trip to Ottawa this weekend to face the Swans. The Swans, coming off a win two weeks ago vs Guelph, will not be taken lightly by the Hawks, particularly after the past two games. It is my belief that the Ottawa trip will get the Hawks back to where they need to be as a side. A strong win, coupled with stronger bonding that evening, is no doubt the best medicine to cure their pain.